Finding Beauty in Chaos

By Kimberly Hall

On February 3, 2020, I decided to cancel my trip to Tokyo after hearing that the coronavirus was spreading to countries outside of China. At the time, I felt disappointed that my training for the Tokyo marathon would now go to waste. Looking back on that moment, I’m embarrassed that marathon training was what I was most concerned with. Little did I know, that was the beginning of what we now know as the coronavirus pandemic. 

As more and more cases were identified in the United States, I had this sinking feeling in my stomach. People were dying at an alarming rate, and there was nothing I could do. I would watch CNN, with its distressing news and images repeated over and over again, and it wore me out mentally.  I found myself restless and anxious. Life as I, and most of the world, knew it would be totally different from now on. 

I decided to give myself a break from the news. To find beauty in the chaos and attract back what I deeply desired, I knew I’d have to truly change my thoughts. I won’t lie: it was hard. (I understand why we have been quarantined, but sometimes it just sucks!) I felt off-balance, and I needed to find a place of peace and gratitude. In June, something beautiful happened. 

As you may know, I love running—so who knew I would discover the beauty of my local waterways through kayaking?  There is something peaceful about gently paddling, sending ripples into the reflections on the water.  Kayaks are such quiet vessels, and the calming waves gave me a sense of peace and balance. The beauty didn’t stop there, as I ventured on to hiking, camping, and visiting waterfalls. Breathing in the fresh air and feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin makes me feel one with nature. There was something about the simplicity of nature that changed my perspective. I found myself finally exhaling, feeling safe, and looking forward to each day. I have opened myself to life and love, and they have opened themselves to me in return.